As we approach the end of Ramadan, I wish to share with you the following hadith with a view to highlighting the importance of not holding grudges or malice towards others, after which I will make a few comments: 

Anas ibn Malik reported: 

We were sitting with the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, and he said, “A man from the people of Paradise is coming to you.” 

A man from the Ansar came whose beard was dishevelled by the water of ablution, and he was carrying both of his shoes with his left hand. 

The next day the Prophet (pbuh) repeated the same words, and the man came in the same condition. 

On the third day, the Prophet repeated the same again, and the man came in the same condition. 

When the Prophet stood up to leave, Abdullah ibn Amr followed the man and said to him, “I am in an argument with my father, and I have sworn not to enter my home for three days. May I stay with you?” The man said yes.

Abdullah stayed three nights with the man, but he never saw him praying at night. Whenever he went to bed, the man would remember Allah and rest until he woke up for morning prayer. Abdullah said that he had never heard anything but good words coming from his mouth. 

When three nights had passed, and he did not see anything special about his actions, Abdullah asked him, “O servant of Allah, I have not been in an argument with my father, nor have I cut off relations with him. I heard the Prophet say three times that a man from the people of Paradise was coming to us and then you came. I thought I would stay with you to see what you are doing that I could follow, but I did not see you do many good deeds. Why did the Prophet convey this about you?” 

The man said, “It is not but as you see, except that I find no malice within myself towards the Muslims, nor do I envy anyone for the good that Allah has given them.” 

Abdullah said, “This is what was conveyed about you, for we have been unable to do so.” (Source: Musnad Aḥmad)

Take note of the qualities this person possessed which was the reason behind his receiving the glad tidings of paradise. He harboured no malice towards fellow believers nor did he envy anyone over what Allah had given them. These are noble qualities that many people are unable to attain but well worth striving for because they are the qualities of those who will enter paradise. And this is the central theme of my article. 

Having conflicts and disagreements, sometimes very heated, with other people, including those closest to us, is an inevitable part of life. The teachings of Islam show us how to reduce the chances of these incidents, as well as how to deal with them when they take place. Islam offers a balanced and rational approach which is worth learning about and implementing into our lives. 

In a well-known hadith, which we often neglect or gloss over, Anas bin Malik (May Allah be pleased with him) said:

The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, “Do not desert (stop talking to) one another, do not nurse hatred towards one another, do not be jealous of one another, and become as fellow brothers and slaves of Allah. It is not lawful for a Muslim to stop talking to his brother (Muslim) for more than three days.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

And consider the following narrations: 

Aisha reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “A Muslim may not boycott another Muslim for more than three days. Then, if he meets him, greets him with peace three times, and he receives no response, the sin falls back on the one still boycotting.” (Source: Sunan Abī Dāwūd)

Jubayr ibn Mut’im narrates from his father (Allah be pleased with them) that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “The one who breaks ties will not enter paradise.” (Sahih Muslim)

Sayyiduna Abu Hurayra (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: “It is unlawful for a Muslim to severe relationships with his (Muslim) brother for more than three days. Hence, whoever does severe relationships for more than three days and (thereupon) dies will go to Hell.” (Sunan Abu Dawud)

 
How many people reading this article have stopped speaking to family members and friends and harbour deep-seated grudges and malice towards them? This is indeed a very severe spiritual sickness which will cause the begrudging one great harm, as well as inflicting harm on families and society at large. In fact, we are not permitted to stop talking to someone beyond three days and we are committing a serious sin if we continue with our social boycott beyond that time frame. 

I understand that feelings can be quite intense and deep-seated hurt and anger may set in, but it is important to let these things go as harbouring them will make you both spiritually and physically ill. 

It should always be kept in mind that one of the names and attributes of Allah is is ”Al- Afuw”(in Arabic: ٱلْعَفُوُّ), which means “The One who pardons sins and leaves no trace of any fault.” In other words, Allah not only forgives but there is no trace or record of the offence being committed in the first place. It’s as if the offence never happened. 

This is the kind of quality that Allah wants the believers to bring into their lives. Believers too need to be forgiving, and once they forgive they should not bring up the matter ever again.  

In fact, Allah (swt) states that He loves those who forgives others and makes reconciliation:

They ask thee concerning (things taken as) spoils of war. Say: “(Such) spoils are at the disposal of Allah and the Messenger: so fear Allah, and keep straight the relations between yourselves: obey Allah and His Messenger, if ye do believe.” (Surah Anfal 8:1)

And:

“But whoever pardons and seeks reconciliation, then their reward is with Allah.” (Surah ash-Shura 42:40); 

And:

“Let them pardon and forgive. Do you not love to be forgiven by Allah?” (Surah an-Nur 24:22)

And:

“Who spend [in the cause of Allah] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people – and Allah loves the doers of good (Surah Alee Imran 3:134)

In addition, consider the following hadith:

Anas ibn Malik (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah said: “Do not hate one another, nor be jealous of one another; and do not desert one another, but O servants of Allah! Be Brothers. And it is unlawful for a Muslim to severe relationship with his (Muslim) brother for more than three nights.” (Sahih al-Bukhari)

The prophet (PBUH) further stated:

 
“You will not enter Paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Shall I guide you to that which would make you love one another? Spread greetings (Salaam) abundantly amongst yourselves” [Muslim]

Furthermore, the Prophet, PBUH, was asked: “Who are the best type of people?” 

He replied: “A person who is truthful in his speech and Makhmoom in his heart.” 

The people asked: “We know what is truthful speech, but what is a Makhmoom heart?” 

The Prophet, PBUH, responded saying: “It is a pure pious heart that does not have envy, evil or spite.” [Ibn Maajah]

Dear reader, if you have stopped speaking to a family member or some other person,  I advise you to make reconciliation without delay even if you feel you have been wronged in some way. 

Remember the excellent example of our beloved prophet (PBUH) who forgave his many adversaries even when they inflicted great suffering and harm on him.

And then consider the following narration from the prophet (pbuh):

Abu Musa reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “No one, or nothing, is more patient with harmful words he hears than Allah. Verily, they ascribe children to him, yet he gives them wellness and provision.” Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī

Learn to be patient and forbearing towards one another and not harbour grudges or feelings of malice. Be quick to forgive others even if you feel that you have been unjustly treated or aligned by them. Learn to not only forgive but release all bad feelings as if the incident or conflict between you and the other person had never happened at all. 

I want to close with one other incident which I think is a good example of the message I am trying to convey here. 

We all know the incident of the Ifk* in which our mother Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) was slandered. There is a very long hadith in Bukhari that you can read here.

One of the leaders of the slander was Mistah bin Uthatha who was a relative of Abu Bakr As-Siddiq (may Allah be pleased with him). When Abu Bakr found out what Mistah had done, he proclaimed, “By Allah, I will never give to Mistah bin Uthatha anything after what he has said about Aisha.” 

Then Allah revealed:

“And let not those among you who are good and wealthy swear not to give (any sort of help) to their kinsmen, those in need, and those who have left their homes for Allah’s cause, let them pardon and forgive. Do you not love that Allah should forgive you? And Allah is oft-Forgiving Most Merciful.” (Surah an-Nur 24:22) 

Abu Bakr As-Siddiq, in response to the question posed by Allah, said:”Yes, by Allah, I would like that Allah forgive me.”

After that, he continued giving Mistah the money he used to give him before. Abu Bakr also added, “By Allah, I will never deprive him of it at all.” 

Dear reader, do you want Allah to forgive you? Then follow the example of Abu Bakr, the beloved companion of our noble prophet (pbuh).

Let us exit this Ramadan with a clean heart towards others so that we can gain the favour of Allah and draw closer to Him.